How you negative mind is labeling and mislabeling yourself and other people

Negative labeling is one of the cognitive distortions. A child accidentally spills milk and the next thing s/he hears is “you’re so clumsy” or maybe even “you’re my clumsy little baby” with a kind, cynical voice. Then s/he hears it again and again and again, and soon s/he starts to believe that s/he really is clumsy. Every small ineptitude that happens later in the adult age makes the person feel horrible, enforcing the clumsiness label even further. There are two options when it comes to labeling yourself or others. A label might be complete fiction. Just a falsely installed belief that has nothing to do with reality. Or there really is some behavioral drawback present, but by labeling you make that one single behavior into a characteristic and apply it to the person as a whole. Both types of labeling (or name-calling) bring nothing but negative thoughts and energy in …

No More Mr. Nice Guy – Why women don’t like nice guys – Book Summary

A nice guy can be quickly confused when they hear the statement that women are attracted to assholes and that nice guys finish last. I suffered from the same confusion, not knowing why being nice is so problematic. I always wanted to be exclusively a nice person, but that often didn’t lead to the results I wanted. Sometimes it backfired in a nasty way and I didn’t understand why. At the end of the day, I was only being nice. The confusion went away after reading No More Mr. Nice Guy written by the psychotherapist Robert A. Glover. After reading the book, I finally understood that there is a healthy form of being nice (something we should all do) and a very toxic one (fawning). And the toxic form is the one that backfires almost every time, because it’s nothing but a manipulation strategy. Being a nice guy (the toxic …

All-or-nothing thinking: It’s silly to expect you can have everything

The all-or-nothing mindset (also known as polarized thinking, dichotomous thinking or “black‑and‑white thinking”) is a common thinking error that turns you into a bitter perfectionist who gets emotionally irritated by the smallest deviations from unreachable expectations. Since your expectations are completely unrealistic, and then life happens, you are constantly irritated, bitter and depressed. With all-or-nothing thinking, any small imperfection turns your life into a big drama. Many times, you even tend to blame yourself for it. And during the day, many imperfections always do happen. How good can you feel then about yourself and life? Once you become aware of your all-or-nothing thinking patterns and how silly they are, you can finally breathe easier and calm down.

The first 90 days are crucial to success at any new job – Book summary

If you just took over a leadership position or you're about to, The first 90 days by Michael D. Watkins is absolutely the book to go to. It gives you a really good step-by-step master plan on what to do and how in the first 90 days after being appointed to a new leadership position. The President of the USA has a 100 days to prove himself. You only have 90 if you have taken over a new leadership position. If you can’t build a suitable positive new momentum during this time, there might be hard work ahead of you or your leadership might even be doomed to failure.

Fortunetelling, mind reading and jumping to conclusions

Jumping to conclusions is one of the most common forms of negative thinking. The problem with this type of a cognitive distortion (or cognitive bias) is that conclusions are in most cases negative; catastrophically negative. You usually jump to a negative conclusion without any justifiable facts of the situation or reality. In the next step, you start torturing yourself with how unlucky you are. The “Jumping-to-conclusions” mindset is like owning a crystal ball that predicts only misery. If you had such a crystal ball , what would you do with it? You would throw it immediately away, of course. So there is not a single reason to keep such a negative way of thinking in your mind.